I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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