I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
