who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
