i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
