I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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