You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
BRING THE BAGELS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
