I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize