So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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