Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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