im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
