There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
