why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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