Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
