is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
