I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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