one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
