Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
