There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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