im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
