Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
