i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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