idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
