no. you can't hotbox the world.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
