don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
