hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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