I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
