I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
