I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
