Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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