but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
