Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
