and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
