I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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