my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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