thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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