Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
