Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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