It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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