after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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