Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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