i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
