Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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