Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
