yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
