apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
