Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
