The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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