Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
