dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
