I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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