I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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