I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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