My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
