Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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