dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
