I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
