you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
