You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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