i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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