Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
