I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
