did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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