I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
