The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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