The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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