You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
