And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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